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Would you leave your children alone in your car?

This afternoon, while on our way to the movies, we stopped at the shop to get a few bits. Rich went inside and I waited with the littlies.

Had I been on my own, it wouldn’t even have crossed my mind to leave them on their own in the car – even for 5 minutes.

While we were waiting however, a lady did exactly that. Left her baby (front seat) and toddler (back seat) on their own for 15 minutes. (I know it was 15 minutes because she arrived the same time as us, and left as we did.)

For 15 minutes those children were alone.

Alone in a car with the windows up.

Alone.

Why would I never leave my children alone in a car? Because in 5 minutes anything could happen.

A car could crash into my car.

Something could happen to me in the shop.

They could choke.

Oz could have a seizure, Betsy could dislocate (she dislocates very easily.)

Someone could break into the car and take them.

Forever.

So why I’d never do it, I was interested to discover on some parenting forums that many parents do and don’t care about the risks involved.

So tell me lovelies – Would you leave your children alone in your car?

 

40 Comments

  • Lianne Turton
    July 21, 2013 at 10:24 pm
    Reply

    Would I hell!! No matter how much of a hurry I am in or how ever much my son protests I wouldn’t do it. Its not worth it and the only time I have ever considered it was when i had just had jack needed petrol, did i leave him in the car to go and pay or take him out of the car through petrol fumes to pay?? I did neither, I went to my mums and left him there while I nipped bk. Now we have pay at the pump, problem solved.
    Two things tgat remind me of this:
    Ben Needham
    Maddie McCann

  • Musings from a mum
    July 22, 2013 at 6:23 am
    Reply

    I’ve left mine in the car before. Only when paying for fuel and usually only if fast asleep and I’ve parked in the petrol lane nearest the shop (ours has one right next to shop door). I always lock the door and can see my car the whole time. I’ve left my older son (6) when he’s been awake and hasn’t wanted to get out of car. Again only in this one shop where I can see them all the time. I always feel a bit anxious about it even though I am 2 mins away from them. I could never leave then where I couldn’t see them or get to them quickly.

  • Jess
    July 22, 2013 at 12:27 pm
    Reply

    When I was 10 years old, my mum left me for 5 minutes as she took my sister into her friends house. In those 5 minutes two men came and tried to get me out the car, banging the doors and screaming “get the girl get the girl” – it was the most terrifying moment of my life. It was the first time my mum left me, and the last.

    It was by the Hampstead Heath, so luckily a group of people were jogging past and I managed to climb into the back seat and unlock the backdoor (if I stayed in the front and unlocked the doors, all of the doors would have unlocked, however in the back it only opens the door you open) I then ran into the house and we called the police. The next day the same two men held my sisters friends parents up and gun point in their drive as they got home after dinner and stole everything they had on them.

    Still to this day (14 years later) I can’t sit in the car alone unless I am in the drivers seat and have control. I manically lock my doors of the car, it is a complete OCD now.

    So, I definitely don’t think children should be left in the car, you never know what can happen, even in a minute. x

  • Jade Pirard
    July 22, 2013 at 1:59 pm
    Reply

    I am so glad you have posted this because I face a constant battle with my heart every time i go to the petrol station. I leave Ted in the car (7months) but am constantly looking out of the window of the garage while I pay and its so nervewracking but often if he is asleep I dont want to wake him just to go in for 2mins.

  • godders45
    July 22, 2013 at 2:05 pm
    Reply

    I have only ever left my girls in the car when I paid for petrol and then only at our local small garage. I also left them outside a friends house to drop a present off but parked outside (off road) and was within 10 feet of the car, not in the house. Other than that, no way. I don’t lock the car at the garage as it has a movement sensor and I can’take them stay motionless! I can’t imagine leaving them while I wrnt into a shop or house, even for a minute.

  • MadMammaBear
    July 22, 2013 at 2:05 pm
    Reply

    I would never leave my little one in the car! I’ve thought about this before when getting petrol and always decided to wait and fill up when I’m with another adult too. You just don’t know what could happen.

  • Helpful Mum
    July 22, 2013 at 2:08 pm
    Reply

    I have left them on occasion, when paying for petrol if the pay at pump isn’t free, or picking up parcels from the local delivery office (I can see them all the time). I wouldn’t leave them whilst I went shopping though, and certainly not for more than a couple of minutes when I can see them! The thought of leaving a baby is worrying, so much can happen at that age.

  • Petit Mom
    July 22, 2013 at 2:09 pm
    Reply

    In this heat you wouldn’t leave a dog in a car alone so why kids? But even ignoring the heatwave we’re having no matter how hot or cold it is you should never leave a child(ren) in a car alone even with the doors locked. As you said anything could happen in that short period of time and it’s just not worth living with that guilt if something did happen.

  • Kate Fever
    July 22, 2013 at 2:10 pm
    Reply

    No I wouldn’t. Like you say, it only takes a few seconds for someone to take them, or for a car to crash into them. And if that happened, I could never forgive myself.

  • Emma
    July 22, 2013 at 2:13 pm
    Reply

    No way would I leave the children alone. Doors are locked as we drive to stay safe at junctions and traffic lights. Why put yourself and children in a vulnerable position when you doing need too.

  • AtoZ Mummy
    July 22, 2013 at 3:45 pm
    Reply

    I would only leave them in the car to go and pay for fuel as I believe that’s the safer option compared to dragging 2 kids across a busy forecourt. I would not however leave them to pop into the shops etc. I do remember my parents leaving us for 5 minutes or so and we were always fine although my little brother once hid under a coat on the back shelf and scared my mum half to death when she couldn’t find him!

    I was actually discussing this with my husband the other day as I drove past a car crash and I was asking him if he thought I should have stopped to administer first aid. His point was that I’d have had to leave the kids unattended in the car and thy was irresponsible. I have mixed feelings and although I didn’t see any casualties that day I’m not sure I’d be able to drive on knowing I could have helped somebody. I still don’t know what I’d do in that situation :/

  • MrsShilts
    July 22, 2013 at 4:14 pm
    Reply

    I’ve left Little Mr in his carseat in my locked car with the windows open half way to pay for my fuel on two occasions. I could see my car at all times through the shop window as I use the petrol lane closest to the shop but I still feel anxious doing it. I’ve only done it twice when I’ve been desperate for fuel and when I know I’m literally going to be a minute or two at the most. If I needed to buy anything other than fuel I’d take Little Mr in with me.

  • Super Amazing Mum
    July 22, 2013 at 4:15 pm
    Reply

    Sorry, I think you are all being ever so slightly over the top, I have always left them in the car since babies whilst getting petrol and of course have locked the door. The chance of a car driving into it are the same as me pushing a buggy down the road. I dodn’t even think about the risk it is that small. I am a fully paid up member of the #freerangekids movement and don’t beleive for one second that our children are going to be snatched from a petrol station forecourt – when was the last time that happened? I’m nearly 40 and can’t remember it happening in my lifetime.

    Today, I left my 9 and 7 year old at home alone whilst I took the 4 year old to the shops….

    I believe I am teaching my children to be responsible and know about taking risks, in fact, I strongly believe that we are raising a nation of kids who are ferried left right and centre and who are going to end up scared of their own shadow as they won’t know about danger or taking risks……..I feel so strongly about it we have moved to the country so they can roam the woods and fields, making camps and playing in a big group unsupervised.

    I

    • Fi
      July 22, 2013 at 4:30 pm
      Reply

      Brave comment – I admire your honesty.

      I don’t think I’m ‘over the top’ as I have valid reasons for not leaving them in the car alone which I noted in the post.

      I think the lady mentioned in my post was really risking things. It was a very hot day, the windows were closed, the car was parked quite a way from the shop (a car park for the store) and she was away for a considerable amount of time.

      I’d never leave mine in the car.

      I’m not over the top, I don’t wrap them in cotton wool either (you know me and my reactions to Oz’s epilepsy and Betsys HMS) but I do always, always keep them safe and never leave them alone in the car because they’re so little and that’s my responsibility.

      When they are older – it’s a different story. But what age?

      10? 11? I think that depends on the maturity of the child.

    • Sarahmumof3
      July 23, 2013 at 6:14 am
      Reply

      I’m with you Sophie..

      My kids are ‘older’ I guess but yep I’ll leave them in the car (granted it doesn’t happen often as I don’t drive, but on the odd occasion when me and hubs both need to go into the store) I too leave my eldest two home whilst I take littlest with us to the shops they are 10 and 11.

      I have always been a very free range mother and I wouldn’t want it any other way x

      • Fi
        July 23, 2013 at 8:04 am
        Reply

        Thanks for your comments – I think with older children its very different than leaving babies and toddlers. Having said that I’d still not leave mine.

  • Super Amazing Mum
    July 22, 2013 at 4:36 pm
    Reply

    Sorry, should have clarified!! I wouldn’t leave them in the heat with windows up! Mine are 9 nearly 10, 7 and nearly 5. I have left them in supermarket car park as “older” kids but not as babies, as agree that is a risk to far! However, don’t see a problem with the whole petrol debate……

    • Fi
      July 22, 2013 at 4:41 pm
      Reply

      Yes I think it’s different if they’re a lot older – my reference was to the baby and toddler in the post really, but it’s interesting reading all the comments. Also heard a few horror stories in my time. My dad was a fireman.

  • Emma
    July 22, 2013 at 7:30 pm
    Reply

    I have in the past left my 6 year old and 2 year old in the car outside nursery while I drop off my 4 year old. I’m usually less than 3 minutes, I can see the car from the window, and we generally wouldn’t have time to get everyone out and still make it to school. However, on a day like today, I would probably have taken them in rather than leaving them in a hot car.

  • Samantha Fernley
    July 22, 2013 at 7:58 pm
    Reply

    No, never. If I’ve got my son into the car and realised I’ve forgotten something in the house I get him out again. I always get petrol now when I’ve got somebody with me. I am extremely paranoid and a worrier, just like my dad.

  • Rollercoaster Mum
    July 22, 2013 at 11:19 pm
    Reply

    I have to say I am with Super Amazing Mum on this one – mine are older too – aged 8 and 5 and I quite often leave them in the car for 5 minutes whilst I go to the shop. It’s quicker and easier and they often don’t want to come. I wouldn’t however leave them on a very hot day and I didn’t leave them when they were tiny.

    I have never even thought to take them out of the car at the petrol station even as babies – always though they were safer in the car and tbh don’t recall seeing other parents take their children out of the car here either.

    I’ve not heard of the #freerangekids movement but I’m off to sign up. I have just started to let them ride their bikes in the cul de sac near us as 8yo old enough I reckon and when she is 9 or 10 I will be letting her walk the half mile to school on her own. On holiday this year at the french caravan park they were allowed to go and play at the ball court the other side of the park on their own and we sent them to the park shop in the morning to get croissants. They grow and respond to the responsibility and although I would agree that this lady was probably in the wrong (mainly due to the very hot day) I certainly wouldn’t say they needed to be 10 or 11 before being left for a few minutes.

  • Chris Webb
    July 23, 2013 at 8:48 am
    Reply

    Cars can get unbelievably hot very quickly in the summer. It’s illegal to leave cats and dogs alone in a closed car because of the risk of heat exhaustion – why would you ever leave a child exposed to the same risk.

    On top of that, ever seen what a small boy can do to a car if he thinks he knows how to drive and let’s off the handbrake on a hill? It can be an impressive mess.

  • Bronwen
    July 23, 2013 at 9:55 am
    Reply

    Ugh! My 2 are now 6&8 and I frequently leave them in the car when I pop into our local shop on the way home but am always anxious and now don’t think I will again as the what ifs are too scary – also when paying for petrol and may continue to do that as they are always in my eye line and sometimes prefer that to dragging them through the forecourt fumes and all the other people – so difficult to know

  • Emma - Me, The Man & The Baby
    July 23, 2013 at 10:08 am
    Reply

    Would never leave a child alone which is obvious too young to be left alone EVER. I fret about going to the toilet as it is.. What if the child was to have anything go wrong with him/her?? Suddenly to fall ill quickly? Isnt it better that you’re with them the moment that happens then 5 minutes later??!

  • Sally
    July 23, 2013 at 12:00 pm
    Reply

    I agree with Sophie – I think the post is a little judgmental – how do you know I “don’t care” about the risks if I choose to leave a child unsupervised?

    What I would say is that every parent makes a risk assessment unconciously with every parenting choice they make.

    I have always left Flea in the car when buying petrol, for example. I balance the infinitesimally small risk that she will be abducted from a locked and alarmed car in those three minutes against the (fractionally larger, in my judgement) risk that she could be hit by a moving vehicle on the forecourt.

    The second thing to consider is that a child who is never allowed to experience risk can never develop their own risk assessment skills. This is a real issue today amongst adolescents – we’re seeing a generation of kids reach young adulthood with no experience that allows them to measure risk and make judgements accordingly.

    Allowing children to experience brief periods of not being supervised, and to be exposed to mild risk therefore mitigates the larger and more potentially dangerous risks they will face when they are older. It’s good parenting, I think. I dread to think what happens to a kid who has never been unsupervised until puberty and all that brings.

    • Fi
      July 23, 2013 at 12:16 pm
      Reply

      Thanks for your comment Sally – I don’t think it’s judgmental at all. I merely saying I souls never leave a small baby and toddler unsupervised in a hot car.

      Me. I wouldn’t – anyone else? That’s up to them.

      My children are my responsibility. When they are older of course they’ll experience independence and I’ll encourage it but at 2? As babies? No. I’ll never leave them in a car to go shopping.

      • Fi
        July 23, 2013 at 12:42 pm
        Reply

        Eeeek! I’m not judgemental! Reeeeally I’m not lovely folks! Apologies if the post seems that way! Ask any of the parents I help each week.

        This post was to ask your opinion on what I witnessed and to say I (me that’s ME) would never, ever do it.

        If you leave a child unattended that is up to you as a parent.

        In the reasons I’ve mentioned above in the post – I never would.

        • Sally
          July 24, 2013 at 10:01 am
          Reply

          With respect, though, that isn’t what your original post says. Your original post says “I would never leave the children in the car” and goes on to characterise those who do as “just not caring about the risks”.

          I’m just saying I do it, have always done it, where I consider the risk of moving a child greater than staying put, or where I consider the risk to be minimal. If it makes me a crappy, uncaring parent, well, I’ve been called worse :)

          • Fi
            July 24, 2013 at 10:09 am

            I think you are reading it to what you want it to say.

            Playing on my words.

            I would never leave my children on their own to go shopping because I feel it’s my responsibility to always care for them and keep the safe.

            Bad parenting to leave your children alone? I never said that – you did.

            Judging others? I’m not. By saying I would or wouldn’t do something does not mean I’m judging others.

            I’ve repeated myself so many times it’s boring.

          • Fi
            July 24, 2013 at 10:10 am

            I would never take a risk Sally. I think that’s the bottom line.

            You know why? Because I could never live with the consequences.

  • Sally
    July 23, 2013 at 12:27 pm
    Reply

    My query was with your sentence “many parents don’t care about the risks”. Actually I am a caring parent, I do care about risks, but I balance them and make my own judgement about what is the greater risk in any given situation, and whether a risk is acceptable or perhaps even helpful to my child.

    In the case of the petrol station, as I say, I leave my child in the car because MY assessment of the risk is that it’s the safest thing to do. Not because I don’t care.

    I’d genuinely be interested to see the stats on accidents on petrol station forecourts versus abductions or car crashes affecting children left inside cars. *fires up Google*

  • Lissy
    July 23, 2013 at 3:13 pm
    Reply

    I’ll never forget the time my mum left me alone in the car, I would have been about 3/4years old and the car was parked on our driveway which was on a slight slope… She strapped me in my seat and realised she’d forgotten something from in the house, she went back in and the car started to roll backward onto the road… Luckily it wasn’t a main road but a good amount of cars still passed through. There was nothing I could do, I was only little and didnt really know what was going on, I just remember screaming for her. I don’t really remember what she did when she came out of the house but the car was in the middle of the road betime she did. Very scary, 20 years on and I still remember it well! All it would have taken was another car driving down the road! Don’t leave your kids!

  • Katie
    July 24, 2013 at 7:56 am
    Reply

    I never leave my daughter alone in the car (she’s 2) with regards to fuel if I have my daughter with me I will usually go to pay at pump. My friend very recently left her daughter (also 2) in the car while she ran into the post office and her car rolled backwards and hit a wall. She only knew because a member of the public ran in and found her, she was so upset xxx

  • Deborah
    July 24, 2013 at 9:33 am
    Reply

    I come from Belgium! I grew up with this all over the news http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Dutroux
    I will keep an eye on my kids until they are grown ups. Marc Dutroux kidnapped children and teenagers and left them in a basement. They starved to death. The world of today is different than 40-50 years ago. Kids are more vulnerable now than ever before. Leaving them, even for 1 min….I don’t understand it.

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