Goodbye my friend.

I wasn’t going to share this post but then I thought that it might help me with the sadness, or help another family who want to explain loss to their children, and so here I am writing something incredibly difficult.

Our beloved little dog Indie was 10 1/2 and had always been full of energy. A bouncy little friend who was so much more than a pet.

Last year she managed to get hold of a plant bulb and almost died of poisoning. Such a naughty little thing – she was always stealing all kinds of things and eating them!

One huge vet bill and treatment later, she had recovered but she wasn’t quite the same. She was a little slower, a little grumpier and she didn’t want to go on her usual long walks.

I had my operation and she lay by my side while I recovered over the weeks. Our lovely neighbour took her for walks but she wasn’t interested in going and didn’t get very far and this worried me.

She stopped eating and suddenly looked very thin and so I made an appointment with the vet. Within hours she deteriorated quickly. She began swaying – almost drunk like, and would put her head on the wall. It was so upsetting to see.

The vet saw us straight away and rushed some blood tests through.

The news was bad.

There was nothing they could do and we were told it would be a matter of days.

We took her home to say our goodbyes and arranged to go back the next day to help her pass. She wasn’t in any pain but we were warned she would’ve been in an awful mess if we’d let nature take it’s course and we really didn’t want that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night I lay awake with her all night on the bed. I held her close so she felt safe and I talked to her. I know that sounds crazy but I told her I loved her so much and that I was thankful for everything she had given us since she came into our lives aged 8 weeks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here she is wearing a sock my mum had turned into a coat on her first visit to stafford from London where we were living at the time. (It was snowing!) She was so teeny then!

Age 10 1/2 she was smaller than our cats! Such a Dinky dot always but her bark and feisty behaviour made up for her lack of size.

Indie was born on Christmas Day in London, in a stable, and I always joked we should’ve called her Jesus!
She was a little like the dog in that movie ‘Marley and me’ ~ she made her mark in our first London flat, our first house, and our Stafford house, she ate shoes, toys, pictures, loo roll, footballs, oh so much naughtiness from one so small – but she put a paw print on our hearts that will stay forever.
It was the hardest day saying goodbye to her.

Rich took the day off and we didn’t tell the children what was happening. We got them to cuddle and kiss her and I ensured they didn’t know she was unwell (she was quite dozy and sleepy lying on her bed.) they kissed her and it took all of our strength not to cry and let on to them both, that things were bad.

When the little ones were at school we had a few hours with her at home.

She managed to pick up her yellow ball and dropped it at my feet which made me cry. She was so weak and so ill – but wanted to still play ball. Such a fighting spirit!

After only a few minutes she had a little fall so we took her inside and out her bed infront of the fire – her favourite place! I put her ball on her bed too and she drifted in and out of sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was hoping this was how she would pass but she couldn’t settle – but she kept getting up and was so disorientated that we’d have to try and settle her back again.

We headed to the vet for our appointment and when he called us in I lost it a little and sobbed. I’m angry at myself for doing that because I didn’t want Indie stressed at that point. The vet was absolutely lovely and so incredibly kind and understanding. I cuddled her and knew it was time to say goodbye.

I don’t want to go into much detail here but want to say it was all so calm and peaceful.

She was wrapped in her favourite blanket and I held her head in my hands and kissed her head. I talked to her the whole time – telling her to sleep now and that she was a good girl.

And then she was gone.

We came home in pieces.

Later, when the little ones got home from school we sat down together and we told them that our dear little dog had passed away.

Death is so final isn’t it? It’s so hard to explain to children and so unfair that we’ve had to do this a few times in only a couple of years to them.

Betsy (6) asked where Indie (her body) was. So we explained how our body is just a shell and that she is a star in the sky now.

That she had cancer and it was too bad to fix. That the vet is going to turn her shell into magic dust that we can plant in the garden under a beautiful new bush that will grow and bloom and remind us of her.

Betsy wants to bury her ball and some paper and toilet tissue with her too (her favourite things to steal and eat!)

We are also going to sprinkle some of her ashes at a place called seven springs because it was her favourite place there. She would always paddle and swim and be so muddy and my car would stink like wet dog for weeks!
There’s a space in our family now.

A silence in all the noise that’ll never ever be there again and it hurts.

Indie wasn’t ‘just a dog’ or a pet.

Indie was Family.

Goodbye my friend. Thankyou for everything.