Dear Matilda Mae…

This week sees the anniversary of your passing.

In one short year you’ve touched the hearts of so many.

So little, with love so big.

Over 40 years ago before even your mummy was born, my mummy had a baby who passed away too.

Passed away, like you, from what is now commonly known as SIDS.

Not an answer.

Not a reason.

Not a help to my poor mum who misses her baby, like your mummy misses you, every. Single. Day.

Matilda Mae. It’s hard being a parent. It’s hard but it’s also wonderful. That bundle in your arms, all fingers and toes and tiny button nose. The wait. The emotion – bowling us over.

I can’t begin to imagine what your mummy or mine have been through.

There’s a song I sing to my two not-so-little babies at bedtime sometimes, and I’ve never thought about the words in this way before, but I think our mummies would relate to them, especially the chorus.

‘You’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You’ll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You’ll be here - in my heart always’

Matilda Mae, I think you were very special in you short life, and incredibly special in your passing. The awareness of SIDS your mummy has campaigned tirelessly to raise awareness of, has helped so many who have suffered loss or worried about their little ones while they sleep.

By sharing the lullabye trusts guide to safe sleeping, by raising funds for the charity, your mummy has kept going everyday in your name.

My mummy took a huge step over Christmas. I took her to see my brothers final resting place. A place she’s not been able to visit for over 30 years.

She was so brave Matilda Mae, just like your mummy and daddy are so brave.

You are all truly inspirational.

And so I’ll end this letter with one wish.

A wish that one day we’ll know for sure why little babies are taken from their sleep. That hearts of mummies and daddies will one day mend. And that an answer is given to the question – ‘Why?’

With love,

Fi