For OCD awareness week I thought I’d share my OCD with you. Actually no, I don’t want to share it – that’s dreadful. I’d not wish the condition on anyone.
You see obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is something I’ve lived with for over 20 years.
At my worst I was dreadful. Think sleeping with the enemy – towels lines up, cupboards with labels faced forward, everything immaculate. That’s my worst.
It’s easy to talk about OCD Now, my good friends laugh with me about my behaviours – in particular how clean and tidy my house is. How incredibly clean and tidy my house is.
But you see- it has to be. I can’t function around mess and disorder.
That’s just how it is.
That’s just me.
I feel like I have the upper hand at the moment with my OCD – it’s managed and it’s little at the moment, but sometimes it gets really big.
If I’m stressed or something big happens in my life then my OCD gets a bit silly.
It’s back to beautiful cupboards and spotless surfaces.
Fortunately I recognise the signs and I keep myself in check. I’m lucky that I know how to control my OCD – I’ve had lots of practice and lots of dark times and I never ever want my littlies to see me there – so I control it, which is funny in a way – because that’s part of my OCD. Control.
I don’t want to share all of my OCD with you because some parts are quite frankly a bit bonkers. I’m not bonkers but if I told you that I have to put my right sock on first everyday – just because, then you might get an idea of some of the other bits and bobs I do everyday.
I drive my poor husband to despair sometimes – he gets home and I have to tell him to take his shoes off, put his things away and he’s only just walked in through the door.
It’s control. I need them to be away.
Everything has a place. Everything is clean.
BUT I do have messy places – one thing a counsellor once taught me in London was to have a messy place. The idea at first frightened me, but now I have a few messy cupboards and sometimes even a messy room (upstairs of course where nobody can see!)
I don’t think my friends and family truly understand my OCD and I think it’s a pretty tricky one for others to understand too.
It’s not just about cleaning and tidying for me – it’s about control and I’m lucky that I’m living with my OCD in a way that’s happy.
I hope by sharing my story this week, that’ll in some way help others to share theirs.
OCD is just part of me – it’s not who I am.
I’m just me.
October 14, 2013
Debra
I don’t think your bonkers. I have OCD, though I’ve never had it officially diagnosed. I sometimes feel like I should but as I’ve got older I’ve managed to control it really well, I suppose I kind of grew out off it and it’s only at (as you’ve said) times of stress that it makes a real appearance. I have to say though that I didn’t realise I had it until I was around 17 when my now husband noticed I was doing strange things, I simply thought everybody had an impulsive need to touch a light switch again because it didn’t feel right the first time or reach the next lamp post before a car went past else something bad would happen. Thanks for writing this post, I know it will help lots of people to feel less ‘bonkers’! Maybe I will write about my experience one day